HOW IT ALL STARTED
In 2010 I got married. I ignored every red flag because “I loved him”. I quickly learned what a horrible mistake I had made. He was an alcoholic and I soon realized living with someone who has an addiction problem is not for the faint of heart. You can’t change them. You can’t “love” the addiction out of them. You can’t want them to get help more than they want to get it.
As the years passed I suffered from mental and emotional abuse and neglect which led to being diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression and physical health problems as a result of the abuse I was in. By 2014, I was so sick I could barely function. I had gone from 185 lb in 2012 to now only weighing 104 lb. I had stomach ulcers and a ton of other physical and mental illnesses due to the toxic environment I was in. In 2017 I made the decision to leave, got my own apartment and filed for a divorce.
All was well, until I let him back into my life. After one year, I not only fell back into the trap, I moved “back home” and remarried him for a second time. Why? Because cutting soul-ties and leaving a toxic, abusive situation is hard. I get it now. If that’s where you are now, I understand, I’ve been there. I wanted it to work so bad, I was willing to sacrifice the peace I had created in my life once again.
I didn’t have the foundations of mind-set and focus or a “decided heart" enough to be grounded enough in life to walk away and not look back. I used to not understand why people don’t just get up and leave and not go back. A year and a half later in October 2019, things were spiraling out of control right back where we had started from when I left the first time. I had never felt more alone in a relationship in my life even though we were married.
In December 2020, I got a determined heart and determined that I wanted a different life because I was tired of being trapped in a life I hated. I cried out to God for help. On February 24, 2021 I was in my car with everything I owned that would fit into, including my dog, making the 1,200 mile drive across the country to Las Vegas, NV in search of a different and better life. Change is hard. It’s scary. Sometimes it makes you feel like you can’t move or breathe. But I can promise you that staying trapped in a life that is slowly sucking the life out of you and staying stuck in fear is so much harder!
1. Evaluate Your Life
2. What You Think About
3. Getting A Decided Heart
4. Now What?
5. Painting The Big Picture
6. One Foot Forward
7. A Plan In Motion
On February 24,2021 I changed my life. How’s it working out since you ask? I’m glad you asked…..
•I get to live in such a beautiful place.
•I get to travel to places I’ve never been before.
•I bought my own car for the first time in 20 years.
•My mental and physical health has drastically improved.
•I get to be a part of all the important moments I was missing out on.
•God healed my relationship with my dad who was still in Arkansas.
•10 months into that healing my dad passed away from cancer we didn’t know he had at first.
•I got to see my momma on the way back from Arkansas after dad died.
•I questioned my faith for a while and God made himself known in my life once again.
•I learned how to share my story on surviving abuse, changing my life, my relationship with my dad and my health struggles and journey so I can mentor women who want to change their lives too.
•I started a podcast that inspires and mentors others.
•I found a church I love and met some amazing friends there.
•I’ve made new friends and God brought some special ones from the past back into my life to build new friendships with.
There were times when it was hard. There were times when I doubted myself. There were times when I really didn’t know if I would make it. But you know what? I stayed. I kept getting out of bed everyday and kept working on myself and my life. It’s my nonnegotiable, a daily requirement, for survival, healing and growth.
Do I still think it was worth it almost three years later and would I do it all over again?
ABSOLUTELY 1000% YES!!!!
Keep facing your fears until they
don’t scare you anymore!
❤️ XOXO
~Denise